Namor The Sub-Mariner #1 (1990)

I'm a wee bit afraid of the ocean. There is no official phobia involved, just my sense of logic. You see, there are too many critters that can get you. Simple as that. I'm not keen on stepping foot into the world's largest death trap just for fun. I'll let others get their jollies mingling with jellyfish.

That being said, one may think it's odd I have so much affection for Namor #1. But it's the call of nostalgia rather than Neptune that draws me to the briny depths today. I was twelve years old when this comic was released in 1990. The golden age of my fandom. Some of you may be in the same boat despite the decade. Can you pick up a comic from your youth and memories crash over you like a tidal wave of sweet sentimentality? By the look on your face, I can tell that's a resounding yes. See that, we're not so different you and I. So sit back, get your galoshes on and join me as we revisit Namor The Sub-Mariner #1 (cover date April 1990) from Marvel Comics.

Namor stepped on a Lego.

The creators:

I've got a name for you, John Lindley Byrne. Ever heard of him?  The artistry is something to admire but his career is not without controversy. I'm not going to focus on any of that, so feel free and google to your heart's content if you enjoy digging in the dirt. I will say, with some terrific turns on classic characters, only a select few could draw finer than Byrne in his prime. 

Bob Wiacek is one of the all-time greats. With a resume longer than a CVS receipt, it's a good bet he's worked on some of your favorite books and deserves a tip of the cap.

Now for the story...

We are introduced to Caleb Alexander and his daughter Carrie. A pair of Marine Biologists studying secret testing grounds in the south Pacific aboard their boat, the Oracle. Noticing an aggressive blip on the radar, Carrie prepares to investigate but ends up shocked to witness what erupts from the water.

Don't let the ankle wings fool you, it's not Chicken of the Sea.

Believed to be dead by the world at large after the events of the Atlantis Attacks, it turns out Namor is alive and well. Scratch that, alive and crazier than a crab with bad credit! So much so, when Caleb and Carrie track him to a nearby island, the Sub-Mariner has taken out his scorn for false idols on the locals.

 Dude, it's Tinder not TIMBER! Next time just swipe left, okay?

Amid a haze of hallucination, Caleb and Carrie manage to calm Namor down. He follows them back to the Oracle where Caleb claims to have a cure for his bouts of bonkers. Speaking of nutty, the device Caleb has looks more like a fancy coffee machine rather than a solution for insanity. As comic fans though, we should all know to never judge a book by its cover or a doohickey for utter lack of sensible design. 

There was one side effect to the treatment. You no longer have nipples.

Looks aside, it's quite a handy dandy little gadget and Caleb's one clever cat. He's dedicated his life to studying Namor. Why? We'll get to that in a minute but first, the diagnosis. Namor has a blood problem and I'm not talking about the gang. He's a man of two worlds and needs a proper balance of both to function properly. Out of the water too long, cue the cuckoo clock. Log a little too much time on land, off to the loony bin. Caleb has formulated a way to please his plasma by keeping those pesky oxygen levels stable. This is a pretty neat plot point worth exploring...oh wait, obligatory origin time!

Roman. I'll name him Roman. No?

 The flashbacks aren't over folks. So why is Caleb so enamored with Namor? Gotta go back to WW2 when Caleb was just a lad living in Harlem. Following a ceremony honoring the Invaders at City Hall, he chased after Namor on his bike. With his eye to the sky, Caleb lost track of his surroundings and plummeted off a pier. Luckily, much like breaking your leg in a hospital, his hero was overhead. After the save that day, he dedicated his life to marine biology and studying the Sub-Mariner. He even named his own ship after the vessel Namor's father once commanded. Stalker skills are strong on this guy.

Did Grandma tell you about the restraining order?

It's also revealed that Caleb's got a bad ticker and is unable to dive, hence the reason for teaming up with his daughter. Namor claims he has much to consider and takes off. Personally, I think after all that blood work he should've at least had a cookie or some juice. One page and two weeks later he returns with a gift.

                        

 For the love of God, don't open it!

The chest is chock full of treasure. Namor has hatched a plan to reclaim all the riches lost at sea and invest the fortune in various business ventures.  Not to be accused of having barnacles as brains, he realizes the only way to influence surface dwellers is by flashing them with some green. Money that is, not his skivvies. But just when you thought it was safe to go into Wall Street, we meet Phoebe and her twin brother Desmond Marrs.

 Most twins share clothes, these two share a barber.

In typical Byrne fashion, a ton of story is crammed in here. There's also no real action to be had unless you count the trouncing of the tribe people. Yet, this is not a bad thing. Can you believe readers were treated to the "all-new direction" advertised on the cover? Gasp! It's true! A fresh, interesting take had arrived and if you were new to the character of Namor, you wouldn't miss a beat. I'll buy that for a dollar. Psst...I recently paid fifty cents for a copy. Imperius Rex!

What I would criticize are the off-panel details. While it only happened once in this issue when the Prince of Atlantis went off to ponder, this occurs again during Byrne's run and proves to be annoying. I'll consider it a give and take scenario, however as I was also wowed by his use of duo-shade starting with issue four. But that conversation is reserved for a future edition of Two Staple Gold.

I can see why I loved this at the age of twelve and better still, it stands up today. If you come across Namor The Sub-Mariner #1 on the shores of back issue beach, be sure to snag it.

 I brood better in blue.

-David Schultz

Want to see Namor battle a booger in the bronze age? CLICK HERE

* all external links used for informational purposes only.

Savage Sub-Mariner #72

Originally published May 6th 2017 

          

"Just use that cinnamon bun you call a fist to call somebody who cares"

So here's the scoop, I'm a massive Swamp Thing fan. For my money, all other monsters pale in comparison. Anytime a cruddy creature pops up in a comic with "Thing" as part of it's moniker it piques my interest. As far as the titular character, other than John Byrne's take in the early 90's, Namor has never made waves for me. But the moment I saw the cover for this one, It became a must read. This is also the last issue of the series so I had a feeling the ankle wings were free to fly and some wackiness may be in store.

Before we get started on the story, here are the fine folks who fished this out of their imaginations. Out of college, writer Steve Skeates started his career as Stan Lee's assistant performing proof reading duties. It was quickly discovered that editing wasn't his forte and he began writing for Marvel and every publisher in the industry. Working in multiple genres, he's had notable runs on Aquaman, Plastic Man and is the co-creator of Hawk and Dove. 

Artist Dan Adkins worked primarily in advertising prior to comics. In the 60's he joined the Wally Wood studio and later landed inking and penciling jobs for a slew of companies. In the 2000's he illustrated products for Parker Brothers. Without further ado, it's time to slap on your bikini and take a dip into The Savage Sub Mariner #72 "From the Void It Came"! Cover dated September 1974.
                 

We surface dwellers are a bunch of a-holes. It's true, just ask Namor. He's swimming through our rubbish and hating on humans. It's like a PSA reminding people that carelessly throwing a sneaker away really ruins one's day. Well, in all fairness Namor is already pissed about the annihilation of Atlantis that occurred in a previous issue so a spare tire is just the skin on poo poo pudding.

 

"Hey, quit bitching and pick that crap up!"

Let's travel back in time. Two years according to the writer. As we will come to find out, he likes adding arbitrary details into the plot. An alien life form that looks like space snot floats into a satellite. In the next panel a mysterious hand discovers a destruct button he seemed to misplace. It's clearly labeled but I suppose working around doohickeys takes it's toll and the boom key starts to resemble the on switch for the television. The satellite explodes and the galactic goo goes for a ride.

                                                                

"The brochure says Cacophonous Caverns is quite the vacation destinat...KABLOOIE"

The debris plummets into the ocean. Settling at the bottom of the sea the booger from beyond admires the aquatic life and decides to form a body. It takes the entirety of those aforementioned two years but it's successful in creating a humanoid form. This got me thinking. As far as we know it's never seen a person but has a hard on for fish. So why would it have our characteristics? I would've paid to been part of the design meeting. For the headset alone. Yes, this thing decided to use some wreckage as a fashion statement and it's friggin' glorious. It's actually referred to as a "wild party hat". That's my kind of shindig! Check it out: 

                                                                

"RISE and enjoy he splendors of AM/FM radio!"

Cut back to our sulking Sub Mariner pondering his disdain for humans on a dock. There, he's spotted by two dudes, one of whom happens to hate hybrid species and doesn't want any "fish men" hanging around. Our next PSA is about prejudice brought to you by Adolph Hitler. No joke. This is a final issue so I understand the impulse to say "fuck it" but quoting the most despised despot from the 20th century is more than a little odd. Anywhoos, the main goon named Bruce goes all Chuck Norris and sucker kicks Subby. Apparently this guy also can't stand buttons. 

  

"Pop collar kick! Heeyaa!!"

I'm going to refer to the mysterious membrane as Slime Thing now as touted on the cover considering he's rocking extremities and I've run out of funny phlegm references. Slimey has been watching the hostilities from the water like a creepy ex in your bushes waiting to witness tubby time. His first impression of our species won't be favorable as Namor socks Bruce in the kisser, killing him. Bruce's boy toy by the bay proceeds to tackle the Sub Mariner causing everyone to fall into the sea. Subby comes face to face with Slime Thing and the pal in polyester swims after Bruce's lifeless body. 

   

"The Sub Mariner has a psychiatrist for a narrator"

When encountering a monster in the murky depths your first instinct is to punch the hell out of it right? That's all fine and dandy for some superhero sluggery but I would be inclined to warn him that electronics and H2O are a bad combo. Sure it looks rad to have all that gear on your dome but toasters would make horrible galoshes y'know. 

          

     "Well, there goes the neighborhood...er...reef" 

Namor isn't the advice giving kinda guy like yours truly so they proceed to pound the ever livin' porpoise out of each other. We do get a nifty little tidbit during the throw down though. Did you know 62% of explosions in fictional orbits are caused by shrouded figures in the Motor City? Me neither, considering I just pulled that stat out of my ass. For no reason whatsoever we are told that was the detonators location. So be weary of the digits in Detroit, they are capable of dastardly deeds! 

                                                                

"Meanwhile, a hand in Vancouver picks lint from a navel"

Slime Thing emanates flashes from his eyes that blind Namor, yet he continues to fight. This show of will and determination is shocking to his gunky opponent who basically decides "Screw this, I'm out!". So while Namor has him in an awkward hug, he blows his own head off. Pop goes the weasel baby, ditching one of my favorite looks in the history of comics. Fear not, he didn't commit suicide but rather reverted to his original form and made course for wherever he originally came from. While traveling through the sky, it proves to be loving ooze, using it's power again, resurrecting Bruce from the dead. More Like a kid who got his tonsils out compared to someone who just received a new lease on life, Bruce thinks reading a wrestling magazine is the best way to celebrate. Way to go Duchey McDingle. 

                                                         

"The most unintentionally erotic page of 1974"

Namor is all bent out of shape now he's been robbed of his vision and realizes if only he tried to understand the creature​ instead of treating it like a soggy pinata he would still be able to wax his own eyebrows. Possibly feeling guilty, the alien flashes again as it passes through our solar system and restores the sight he had stolen. Lesson learned just in time for the end of the run.

 I loved this book. Seriously. I will buy every copy I come across in the wild. Is the story THAT good? Nope. The art is pretty iffy and if it wasn't for the inks by the legendary Vince Colletta, this may have been a tough read. It's just so zany, I can't help but dig the crap out of it. I also have a radical idea. Marvel should totally bring Slime Thing back. I firmly believe the concept and character is more interesting than Man-Thing. Yeah, I said it. Manny is so damn boring, take your stupid elephant trunk and dull continuity elsewhere. I would prefer Slime Thing with his crown of circuits any day of the week. 

 This was his only appearance. One and done. How nobody thought a shape shifting alien with untapped abilities and shitty fashion sense was usable all these years is beyond me. He's been collecting dust for 43 years. Couldn't he at least have been tossed in somewhere as cannon fodder or even a punchline? Shame really, I find him quite fun. If anyone at the House of Ideas reads this, call me. I have some great ideas for my new BFF. To my fellow prowlers of the back issue bins, reel in a copy of this for your collections. If for nothing else than the awesome cover that has zero to do with the actual plot of the book or if you want to get hooked on some classic Namor.

-David Schultz